Hall Bathroom. Revisited. Dilemmas.

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Well.  Ok.  So the tiling.  All right.

The tiling of that hall bathroom tub surround in case you've just joined me here.  The tiling was next. It was time.  Yanking up my big girl pants here.

Oh but first, I drew up* the tile layout plan.  Elevations.  Heh, trying to be smart and clever and on top of it and crap.

Mmk, this is a good plan.  Mmk, this should look sharp.  Mmk, I gotta cut some tile.  Mmk.  Uhh.
The tile I picked up eons ago, for the master bathroom in fact, for the fancy schmancy bathroom plan we had/have in mind/wish would magically transform itself into on its own...Mike said just use that tile in the hall bath shower.

"You have too much tile everywhere, use it up."  Heh.  I do have a tile hoarding problem.

......Yeah and then I accidentally saw this* (and this*) while searching for something else and holy-poops-myself holy sh*t omg Losing My Mind I cannot breathe, I died and went straight to Tile Heaven.

So now I'm scrambling to sell leftover tile and the stuff originally meant for the main floor bathroom, hoping I can convince Mike that that Gaudí tile must grace our master bathroom floor.  Oh!  I need to fan myself.

Aaaaaafter I win every lottery though as holy-poops-myself, gaaaaaahhhh it's damn freakin' EXPENSIVE!  And dis...discontinued?!?  Noooooooooooo!!

Yeahhhh, who am I kidding, that's not feasible, I can't make that happen.  And now I am ugly crying in a corner.

But Gaudí!  Arrrgg swoooooon I'm dyin'!!!!!  This is EXACTLY what I've ALWAYS wanted!

Ok, ok.  Deep breath.  Move on.  Sniffle.

Tub surround.  Ahem.  The tile I had, the uh Stratos Avorio, not a problem, yeah.  (This is very close*)

Slab o' tile.
Well, turns out it actually was.

And the biggest challenge was  ....  being a girl.  Ugh, not again, right?!

This makes me nuts.  To no end.  It literally keeps me up at night.  It literally gives me a headache.  Well wait, I mean, being a girl doesn't give me a headache, but that the world is designed for men gives me a headache.  No offense, fellas.

So needless to say, although clearly I'm going to blather on about it, tiling was...an adventure.

The tile is twelve by twenty four.  Ok.  Not a big deal, so I thought when I bought it.  Whatever, it's a decent looking tile, I like the shape, I can make this look classy and expensive and at a mere ninety nine cents a square foot, it was not walk-away-able.  Stocked up.

Good thing I did too.

Yeah.  So my little itty bitty teeny weeny not terribly butch wet saw doesn't have a large enough table surface, a wide enough guide, to slice these buggers in half the twelve inch short way as I needed to per my design.  Oh and then what about long way slices?  I had concerns.

Mmmmmk.  Rats.  Can I make a jig?  Can't figure it out.  Online search?  Not a single damn solution.  Weird.  Oooohh-k.

Wait, Menards has a tile saw for rent.  Ah.

Go to Menards to check out tile saw.  (Huh, this one is different.  Let's hope because of me.)  There was no published weight to this saw at the time so I nudge the thing around, it seems doable.  I think?  Go home, pace, stare and ponder.

Yeah, it takes me time to come around to things.

A wild hair flew up my butt on a completely free day and I suddenly found myself at the tool rental counter.  Much like this incident.  So it takes two (small) guys to get the saw into my lil' Golf but I'm not worried.  I'm stronger than them, right?

Get home, it's heh, ok, a bit heavy, unruly, but in minutes it's set up, filled with water, and ready to go despite being sans operating manual and suddenly, shockingly, I'm actually feeling kind of excited.   Unlike last time.

WOW!  Look at me!!  I'm cool!
Cut the first tile in half in seconds, easy peasy, I am pumped!  Pumped!  Yeah!  YEAH!!  Let's do this!  Yeah!!

I mean, seriously!  Omg!  Look at what I did!!
Using pre-mixed mortar* goo which I shelled out a load of extra cash for as I am tired of battling tile mortar and the mixing and getting it wrong and the mess and being coated head to toe......Self-care, that was my excuse.  And sanity self-preservation.

My handy bucket o' pricey self-care goo.
In no time, the first piece is up, it's squared and true on the wall yay let's rock this out and.....

...wait.......wait a minute.....

Do you see it?
Wtf.

Huh?  What the....?  It's crooked.  The cut is freakin' crooked.  How on green earth did that happen?  Whaaat?

Yank piece off wall.  Spend next hour and a half trying to cut a straight frickin' line on the tile saw.  It outright refused.  No matter what I did, and I wasted a box and a half of tile on this, twenty one pieces of tile, two hours of rental time total, and I received not one single straight line.

Ok wait the lines were straight, lemme rephrase, the saw itself, the cutting mechanism, something was not square.  I know it wasn't me as I, in fact, tried everything.  Twenty one pieces of tile everything.

And considering this saw was not mine, no manual, I didn't feel it proper to go fiddling with it to find out what the problem was.  Nor was I going to waste rental time correcting a not-mine saw either.

Right?, go ahead and break a four hundred and fifty dollar not-mine saw.  No.  No thank you.

Uuuuuggggghhhhh this was hugely upsetting.  My only option was to take the saw back to the store.

And it was a Bitch to get back into the car by myself, whoa.  There was likely swearing involved, I kinda can't remember.  Somehow, somehow in it went and the store kindly gave me a refund without having to ask for one.

What about Home Depot?  They have a saw, sure.  Guess what?  It weighs 130 frickin' pounds.  130.  F you, jeez louise.  One hundred.  And thirty.   I mean, come on.  That is not kosher.

When are folks gonna realize, chicks do these things too?  I'm rather quite perturbed over it.  Obviously.

Newsflash!:  Women use tools.  Women like tools.  Women use tools on their own, without men.  Women want to use tools without requiring a man's assistance.

Echo echo echo.

*banging my head against the wall*

Just once I'd like to see a woman in one of those tool ads on the telly analyzing the screw guns or any whatever cool tool and she purchases it for herself.  Then see her using it.

Ok, but tile.  Don't give up.

Next attempt, text tool-owning friends.  Saw?  Anybody?  Anybody got a big honkin' saw?  No?  No such luck.  Rats.  Ok.  Now what?

Get different tile?  No.  I will not.

Next attempt was one of those manual do-hickeys,* the type that screams like a scratch down a chalkboard ooooh I know I'm so sorry for that, ya push down, it supposedly snaps a clean break.

Ah.  I am skeptical.  Pardon the mess.
Nope.  Broke both tester tiles instantly, in two different directions on one even.  Impressive in its uselessness.  It clearly was not going to cut 3/4" slivers off the 24" length.

This was attempt #2, aka this tool sucks.  Broken tile #23.
Back to the store that went.

Well!  Hahahahaha, ha ha, ha, haa....aaahh.

Now what?

Staring.  A lot of staring and contemplating.

And potty mouth rants ripping though my wee head like nobody's business.......holy cow.  Yeah, you don't wanna be around for that.

Ok, so it makes me nuts to no end, right?  Right.  Enough of the BS.  Maybe I can win this after all as now I'm forced to be extra enterprising.

And guess what.  I did win.  I did think creatively.  Not only did I win by getting the tile cut, all the tile, even long narrow tiny slivers and cut accurately I might add, I decisively triumphed because I exercised my brain and inventively solved a problem.

For free even.  For.  Free.

And if you ask me, and you have because you've read this far, being inventive and resourceful are much better skills to have than plain being able to heft a big heavy saw.

So there.

Bear with me here.  Tips ahead.  You'll see.  #iwin

(Jump to the winning here!)

*The AutoCAD link is a, well, AutoCAD affiliate link.  The pre-mixed thin set mortar and manual tile cutters are Amazon affiliate links.  The holy-poops-myself Gaudí tiles and Metropolis Avorio tiles are Home Depot affiliate links.  Mwah, thanks!  Please see the "boring stuff" tab for more info.

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