Mmk doke, all righty my friends, a Variety Pack!

Last month I was out in San Francisco celebrating my parent's fiftieth wedding anniversary (yes, five-oh! Many congrats!!)...

Goin' to California....

...and when I walked back in the door at home I was all eh ick our house feels bloated and messy and a wreck and eh, goodness help me so that was a hearty butt kick.

With the weather turning, it's time to batten down the hatches to indoor life.  Boo.  The coat closet, the laundry room, a smidge master bedroom, and the hall bathroom are all beepin' my radar.  Mike is surely scared now.

As such, I have way too many freakin' projects active in my head, I'm wearing myself out.  Must focus.  One step.  Go.  Oh look, shiny!

In the mean time, let's get to that pile of variety pack stuff then, shall we?

Oh.  Uh.  Hm.  It appears I don't have as many backed up projects to share as I thought I did.  Huh.  Well I suck.

Oh.  It seems most were outdoors, ah that's why, with the grass and the front porch and all the other outdoor stuff.  Hey, warm weather, can you blame me?!

No worries, here are few indoors:

So I made more fancy schmancy wood things for the spiffy restaurant/bar and came across this recipe for what the author calls "board butter."  Two ingredients,* super easy to make...

I have zero idea why, as a baker even, it took me so long to get a frickin' kitchen scale.*  This thing is awesome!

...it's inexpensive, if you buy a pound of beeswax* you'll end up with oodles goo, and it leaves a peachy finish.


Some went on our butcher block counter, some on the tv console thingamajig, and I gave some to my mom to use on live edge wood she turned into chichi shelves for her new kitchen.  She went with white if you were wondering.

Ooooh yeahhhhh.

Popped a dimmer into the master bedroom lights.

Don't get this one.  First one broke in my hand, shoulda been enough of a hint.  But do get low voltage for LED's*, fyi.

Ugh.  It's a piece of crap.  The bulbs buzz which is a instant sign of crappiness.  Plus we have to flip the switch all the way up then down to reach the desired light level.  Ouch, eyes.  So, no thanks.  Rats.

Oh, speaking of the master bedroom.....Yes, I am indeed working on getting the wall finished.  Finally.  It's taking layers and layers of joint compound before I dash off to rent a plug-it-into-my-spiffy-shop-vac sander.

At the same time, I should get that insulation patch in the hall ceiling handled too.  Um, heh.  Hmmphf.  Ahem, ya know, two birds, one rented stone, (hopefully only) one messy messy dusty day.


But ok, these scones I picked up oh I dunno over a year ago (on sale of course), I decided to install in here.  The original plan was for the hall bedroom but alas that room is a shoebox, these lights looked eeeenormous.  Gargantuan.  Kid you not.

You're totally checking out those sconces, right?

So up they went on either side of the headboard and yes, we're banging into them, getting used to them being there.  Like the faux bed frame thingie, traffic patterns will adjust.  Heh.

Crappy photo.  They don't look this bizarre in reality.  Boy, ok, they look real strange in these photos, maybe I should have a re-eval.

Speaking of that hall bedroom, yes, rotating the bed made a revelatory visual impact on the room.

Ooooh-kay, on a crappy photo spiral I see.  Sorry.

It all went down because I found a swanky chrome wall light in my parent's basement.  Since I had to remove the wee Ikea one I had installed originally, it became an opportunity to experiment.  And experiment one should.

Bright daylight outdoors, eternally dark indoors.  But you can kinda see how much bigger the room looks.  And paw divots on the comforter.  Busted.  And yes, the floor is that not-level that the lamp on the cabinet leans that far.  Cool, huh?

Yeah, it's tight entering the room but so be it.  It'll improve when I take the floofy comforter off the bed.

Got the undersides of the kitchen cabinets painted black.  Heh, why I did not do them at the time, Iiiiiii dunno, I was not bright.

Before.  Yaaaahh, yikes.  After.  Betterrrr.

Ever since the cabinet task wrapped up, the undersides have been annoying the snot outta me.  Nice black cabinets, waaa waaa waaa, screaming light tan undersides.

I shortcutted a bit by not super scrubbing with the first step liquid but that's ok.  It was more of a visual issue and now that it's done, the kitchen is happier.  My eyeballs are happier.

Oh, a coupla follow up's on that humidifier fiasco....

Got a mini cap for the water valve.  I'm not expecting the thing to leak but better safe than sorry, amiright?  What's a few cents for peace of mind....nothin'.

Wee cap.  Used some teflon tape* for added leak-free security.  Good stuff.  Sleeping well, thank you.

The last guy out told me to get some moldable duct sealer to go around an A/C line leading into the furnace.  It had caused all sorts of green calcified drippies down the face of the duct which I cleaned up for the most part with CLR.*

Yay duct seal!

To stop the leakies and to eh ya know, just to seal up yet another hole in this house, why not?  An easy task.  Mush it like clay and wrap it around.  Bam.  Done.

Since we removed that dumb humidifier, I noted that for the rest of last winter, the humidity level was absolutely no different than when it was attached so do yourself a favor and do not, I repeat, do not get a Honeywell bypass humidifier.

I did recently purchase an Aprilaire 700M* but quickly discovered that it is larger and needs a larger hole (I'm an idiot for not checking -- I assumed it couldn't be all that different but you know what happens when one assumes...), that two A/C lines going into the furnace are in mah' damn way.

Do you know how excruciatingly, agonizingly hair-pulling it is knowing I have an awesomely rated humidifier sitting in a box inside our house which I got an excellent excellent deal on and it uh, won't fit?  So uhhh, yeah, check back later.

Head ---> wall.  Repeat.

While we're in the basement....

One of the simplest most boring yet most mind-blowing things I've done in this house to date was a mere six bucks and change.  It's a dryer vent draft blocker.*  And o.m.g., who woulda thought a lil' six buck chunk of plastic with a flimsy swingy flappy thing inside would make such a ginormous difference.

Do it.  Do it now.  Yeah, no, I don't care what you're doing now, get one.


In chillier months, the inside of the dryer is a vortex of cold air which I imagine affects its performance too.  Somehow incidentally I came across these hunks o' plastic and thought hey, great idea since the vent cover outside is jacked.  But c'mon, could it really work?

So I bought one.  Scoffing, but bought one.

Of course it wasn't an easy-on thing because our flipper freakin' sucked at everything but after about ten, fifteen minutes, I got it crammed on the pipe and reattached the dryer duct.  Opened up the dryer, zero cold air.  Whoa!

Uuuuhhhhh, yeah, that happened.  Hey, look over there!

But!  But.  Shortly thereafter I was up and down the main stair and noticed that finally, finally, the waterfall of cold air had ceased.  After years and years and years of trying to find and plug the source, it is gone.  No joke, gone!  Unbelievable.  Who woulda thought?!

Test it to ensure easy swing.

Cannot even begin to tell you how ecstatic I am, oh my goodness.  Best six bucks spent ever!

Yes I know it's supposed to be flush with the wall but there weren't no way I was trimmin' that pipe.  It's on there good.  Foil tape* lending a secure assist.  I know, I need to caulk.

So these little gizmos are highly recommended by me.  Highly.  Exceedingly.

The same day, man, I was on a roll and lovin' it....I got the tub filler off.                          Right?!?!

I about passed out, dumfounded in shock.  Got it off without damaging anything and it will go back on!  Holy cats and dogs, people!!

My first attempt, yeah, much like when I tried to get the one off in the main bathroom:  fail.

My second attempt involved dialing up that DIYZ app.  Sadly, I'm oh for two on winning answers now but I'm still recommending the app.  Bummer.  Nice guy though and I'm sure I'll dial in again.

Woe, teetering on the brink of defeated abandon, one adjourning internet search and lo, I came across a tip:  use a hair dryer, heat the tub filler, twist and remove.  Ha ha ha, really?  Thoroughly, laughingly dubious that it could be just.that.easy I thought, ha ha what the hell, ha ha ha, why not?

Guess what.  I ate my ha's.

Channel lock,* a scrap of rubber sheet* and lo, twisty twisty.  Poof, mind blown.

Yep.  After a few minutes of basking that filler in hot hair dryer air, bingo, it effortlessly twisted right off.  I could not, I...I just, I....I absolutely....jaw to floor.

Oooooooohhh-m.g..  Ha HA!!

Onward and upward with my hall bathroom project!!  Woo hoo!!

Woo....oh wait, hoo, that's gonna be a sh*t ton of work.  Hm.  Well, it ain't gonna get itself done.

Today's recipe?  Back when Mike's niece was peddlin' them there boxes of trouble Girl Scout cookies, I made vanilla frozen custard and tossed in a whole box of Thin Mints.  Yeah.  I'll let you imagine how good that was and now here's your opportunity to make the same with this recipe for the custard.  (Use one less egg yolk, fyi.)

Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone!  Mwah!

*The mineral oil, kitchen scale, beeswax, low voltage dimmers, teflon tape, CLR, Aprilaire humidifiers, dryer vent draft blockers, foil tape, channel locks, and rubber sheets are Amazon affiliate links.  Mwah, thanks!  Please see the "boring stuff" tab for more info.

Mike:  Huh?  What?  No I ....

Becky:  (flips on hall bathroom light)

Mike:

B:  You didn’t   ....

M:  (staring)  (flips hall bathroom light off)  (flips hall bathroom light back on)

B:  You  ....

M:  (staring)  (flips hall bathroom light off)  (flips hall bathroom light back on)

M:  When....?  How....blrifbhfoireuiblrrrt?  What?!

B:  (starting to panic a bit, omg) Do you uh, do you not like it?

M:  (staring)  (flips hall bathroom light off)  (flips hall bathroom light back on)

M:  I...wha....when did you do this??

B:  (panic now afoot)  Uh, here and there over the last few days?  Do yo--

M:  (cuts me off)  Uh, yeaaaahhhh (turns to me with an incredulous-you-are-nuts look on his face and ambles off in a shocked stupor)

B:  Really, you uh, you like it?  You’re scaring me....

M:  It’s wasted on that room.  Wait, hang on, I gotta go back and look at that (goes back down the hall, pause), I mean, what the.... (pause)

B:  (hears a muffled “wow” and/or “huh”)

B:  (fist pump) (wipes sweat off brow) (passes out)

Must say, that was the most unnerving response Mike’s ever had to something I’ve done.  He did a great job of freaking the daylights outta me, wow.

Ooophfff... Thank goodness he likes it, oh my gosh!  Wheeewwwww....

So, for under forty bucks I transformed a wall and changed the entire feel and direction of the room.

Where is this coming from?, you grill.  I know.  I'm terrible.  I can't leave anything well enough alone.

When I worked in theater, I'd work on a show for oh ya know, eight weeks-ish on average-ish maybe.  Bam, the show opens, move onto the next one.  The pattern so ingrained into my soul.

Or, since it's me we're talking about, I'd be juggling anywhere from two to five shows at one time at any given time in some form of overlap-ness during my freelance years.  At Steppenwolf, the pace much more relaxed at one to three shows at a time.

Heh, relaxed.  Right.

Why do I make mention?  I think because I treat our poor humble abode like a theater project.  Do some stuff, eight to ten months elapse, vvvrrrppp, time to change it.

Maybe I should get out more, see new things.  Maybe I should get back into theater and stop abusing our house.

Whatev's.  Back to the house....

Now the hall bath, I was never, I didn't feel done nor remotely satisfied with it.  Anything I was doing felt like a pile of bandages upon each other and not-right-yet.

No worries.  Time has elapsed, the winning ideas have landed.  Look out.

What did I use for this lil' project?

• bundles of wood lath (two of fifty plus a few loose extras for this particular wall)
• quart o' Golden Mahogany stain*
• paint thinner
• 1" brad nails*
• nail gun
• hand saw*

Yeah, not much.  So between the lath, stain, and a pack o' 1k 1" brad nails, just under forty bucks.  I kid you not.  So doable.

Lath?  Lath, you say.  Why the f did you use ratty ol' inconsistent lath?

Well.  Because 1x2 cedar (my high end swoon) or even plain ol' 1x2 pine were too pricey.  Besides, 1x2 pine has rounded edges, bleeh.

Trust me, it took a while to resolve the look of lath in my head (would it be too rustic?  too knotty?  too rough hewn?  too [ack] country?  too sauna?) but I am not sorry in the least.  In fact, lath was perfect.

The biggest shock (heh, for me) with this project?  I got the math right.  Hallelujah, I got the freakin' math right for once!!  OMG no way!!  Yessssssss.  Cause for celebration on its own, amiright?

Because, see, I took the time to calculate how much lath I would need.  But most importantly, I got it right.

Anywhooooo.....!!

All in all, an easy project, one that can be done in a weekend, or less depending on the speed-of-drying-time stain one purchases.  Or paint, yeah paint would work too.  Or paint thinned with water for a faux stain effect, yeah.

Hot tip:  know that when you handle bundles of lath at the store, it stays all nice and packaged tight but right when you get it to the car and then out of the car?, forget it.  Holy unruly mess.

Yeah, you were neat and tidy, then I touched you.

To begin, stain the lath.

How did I pick Golden Mahogany?  I know, seems an odd choice given my usual bent.  I dunno, I found a mini can in my stash. tested it on a strip, dashed upstairs and it yeah, looked good.

Oddly, it matched the Target shelves* I had purchased eons ago, like wow, so many eons so I thought it might be spiffy if it all blended together.

Now, I tested the quart can and it was coming out darker so I made my own mix.  Do not ever be afraid to change the color of something coming out of a can.  Just don't mix oil and water based together and expect them to blend.

Original test strip on the right, the new quart on the left.  Hm, darker.  Don't forget, things will dry to a different shade.  Always test, my friends!

The winning look was a combo of fifty/fifty stain to paint thinner then a rag wipe immediately.  Matched my sample stick, matched the shelves, good to go.

Aaaaamd here we go!  Three done of uh, um, uh, how many?

So it was a stinky process.  Which is not good when the weather requires you to keep the windows closed.  And it was a lengthy, tipping into tedious process.  Took a few hours here and there over the course of a few days.  Make sure to hit the edges and ends.

All ya gotta do next is tack 'em to the wall.  Easy, right?

Before I got to that though, I had some paint touch up's and a sink unit to remove.  Done, done, go time.

Wall before.  Well, before touch up's and sink removal.

By the way, nifty tip:  use red and blue Sharpies* to mark which water line is which temperature so you'll always and forever know.

As the chosen wall is about eh 6'-5" wide, the thought crossed my mind, should I, how should I, should I line things up or no or what or.....Winged it.  I did know I wanted an eighth inch gap between each strip horizontally.

The best way to consistently (well, -ish enough considering lath is kinda wonky) hold that gap:  paint stir sticks.  Yep!  Sweet!

Paint stir stick, a perfect 1/8" thick spacer.  Sweet!

Mmk, power up the compressor in the hall bedroom, run the air hose into the bathroom, shut bedroom door because Finn is unhinged over the noise, and it is on, people.

(Hey, by the way, if you don't have a compressor or a nail gun, don't be sad.  Borrow from a friend, rent from Home Depot or wherever.  See?  Problem solved.  Or you could, oh!, use like extra long upholstery nails* for a cool look!  Do they make those....?  Yeah I dunno.)

Right off the bat, I gotta contend with the water line to the toilet, neat.  Ok, cut short piece, wedge it behind the metal cover ring thingamajig, tack tack, move on to full four foot piece.

I finally removed that dumb tag too while I was back there, heh, four years later. Lame.

For the next horizontal row, I rested the paint stick on the lower strip and pushed the lath in my hand down tight to meet it, tack, sliding the paint stick between across as I went.

In some areas, I randomly cut the lath to break up the pattern of vertical joint lines.  In others, I didn't.  And up the wall I went.

Day one stopping point, two hours in.

For the outlet...because I never remove switch plate or outlet covers when I paint a wall (which I get incessantly derided for over on Hometalk, eye roll) (I usually miss the covers I've been painting for so long but if I don't, holy bejebus, the paint scratches right off people, goodness) (I hate wasting tape and money and time and I don't want to get a wet paint brush near hot electrical things, jeez louise) (Don't get me wrong, I love Hometalk.)..........

Ok, for the outlet, because I hadn't removed the cover, the paint outline was a perfect guide.  (See?!)  Otherwise trace a line around the cover with a pencil before removing it.

See?  See?  Knew exactly where everything was.  Mmm hmm.

I cut the lath in such a way as to sit behind the cover but far enough away from danger zones.  I later purchased more of those spacers* that I used in the kitchen after I installed the funky backsplash to bump the switch and outlet out.  Foam sealers went back on too, yep.

Then moving right along, up the wall, ho-dee-ho.  Some of the lath was warped or curled or bowed or whatever so those got tossed aside temporarily, cut and used as smaller fill pieces thereby taming their unruly shapes.

Be sure to bring along extra stain or whatever finishing you used to touch up cut ends or edges before the strips go on the wall.  Yep, you're welcome.

Lovin' that nailer.  Won that saw from Instructables thanks to you guys!

Seriously, how Mike missed all this, I dunno.  He walks past here every day.  Well, that's ok.  I still love him.  Worked out though because I got a good surprise in on him.  Unless....unless that was an Academy Award winning performance....he is sly like that.  Hm...

End day two, hour and a half of time.

Second to last obstacle was that recently-ish installed Ikea light, my goal to work it similarly to the outlet.  Remembering that it was a smidge of a hassle to install thanks to my blog post, I loosened it as much as I could from the wall without having to take it down.

By the way, turn off the electricity when you do these things, mmk?**

Freehand measuring and cutting and trimming and nipping, I got lath pieces wedged behind the fixture without getting too close to scary parts.  Tighten the light back on and bingo, ho-dee-ho, up the wall I went.

Last obstacle was the final horizontal row.  A quick measure in a few spots, a dash downstairs to the band saw with two lath strips in tow to cut the full length across, and I was set.  But duh, of course the ceiling isn't square and true so it's a wee bit albeit unnoticeably off.

Last skinny row left to go!  Woo hoo!  So but yes, to answer your question, my stupid shoulder is at about 97%, or enough that I can do things like this again with zero issues.  Finally.  Thank goodness.  Stupid shoulder.

Tack tack tack, done!  Step back, oh wow, yeowza, damn girl, right on, that's kinda righteously cool if I do say so myself and I will.

Nice!

Boy, was I ever pleased.

New chrome outlet cover.  Not sure yet if it's gonna stay or the white will go back on.  Or get a wood one, hmm.

In the end, I had five full strips left and a handful of cut pieces.  *Cha-ching* with the math, baby!  Woo hoooo!  Oh yeah, go Becky, go Becky!

Later that night, the finished wall was revealed to Mike, as you read above.  And he likes it, yay, he really really likes it!  Butt wiggle dance!
"You outdid yourself on this one.  I don't even know how you're gonna to write about it," he said.  Well.  Babe.  Heh.  Goodness.  *Blush.*  Thank you!

Who knew the stain would match the mahogany of my quick and easy picture hanging thingie?

This is not the end for this bathroom.  Oh no.  More is gonna happen.  Oh yes.

Currently I'm battling with stupid flipper sh*t getting in my way, namely the cheapo dumb shower crap is kinkin' my plan, namely the seemingly permanently affixed stupid tub filler.  I do not take no for an answer soooooooo.

You will succumb to my wishes, you pile of sh*t, oh yes you will.  And it will surely be ugly.

But regardless, more is on the docket, stay tuned!  Dancing away....

(Jump to the next in the bathroom series here!)

*The Golden Mahogany stain, brad nails, hand saw, Sharpies, upholstery nails, and electrical spacers are Amazon affiliate links.  The floating shelves are a Target affiliate link.  Mwah, thanks!  Please see the "boring stuff" tab for more info.

**Disclaimer:  Electricity is dangerous.  It can hurt you.  It can even kill you.  Always always turn off the electricity at the breaker box before ever opening up a light switch cover, outlet cover, or messing with a light fixture.  It's best to hire a qualified electrician if you don't know how to deal with wired things.  Do not electrocute yourself or burn your house down.

Over the weekend, we had the honor of attending Juliana's wedding, Mike's co-worker, which was great fun.  We're very happy for her and wish her and Al, a fellow Menards junkie aficionado, all the best and a lifetime of happiness.

Her dad gave a touching speech, I don't think there was a dry eye in the room.  It was revealed to us that Jule's was the first female to join her high school football team.  Go Jules!  The point of me sharing that ties in here, promise.

So ok wait, the front porch.  No, the entire thing is not new; I should rephrase.  New Front Porch Decking.  So, kinda not super raise the roof exciting but heh, hey, sadly not everything homeowner is mind-blowing.  Heh.

The before shot.  S'up, doggie in the window?  When I saw this photo later, it reminded me exactly of the last one here and near gave me a heart attack because this two days later back then.

This was surprisingly easy.  Or, I should say, it went shockingly smoothly which I did not anticipate.  Sad right, when you expect everything will go awry and are stunned when it goes swimmingly?!  Heh, ah well, what can I say.  Ok, I will say when it goes right, it feels that much sweeter.

One of the hardest parts of this was convincing Mike that replacing the porch deck boards was a good thing.  I had to bring it up about four or five times before he kinda sorta but not really acquiesced.  He appeared to be quite attached to the aged, soft weather-worn gray which, ya know, I'll admit, I was too.

But.  Just one a' those things that needs to be done to keep up the good house maintenance end of the bargain and the ever-important curb appeal thing.  That but mostly we like the front looking nice for ourselves, screw the neighbors.  Heh, noooooo.

Honestly though, I was most worried a board would splinter into big Finn's feeties.  Uh, a'-noooo thank you.

A quick measure and count and all I needed for this task was about nine or so eight foot long pressure treated thick deck boards and a box o' deck screws.*

Yeah.  Simple.

And relatively inexpensive.  I think all told I spent in the neighborhood of fifty, sixty smackeroos on this.

Oh I also grabbed a piece of pressure treated 1x6 to rebuild the step that sits on the porch leading up into the front door.

The actual hardest part of this task, and what took the longest, was getting the existing step that sits on the porch leading up into the front door off.  Why?  Because the flipper's people were utter idiots.  Idiots.

The porch step before shot.  Ironically (see below), we have a broom too.

Omg.

It was asinine.

I mean, someone should be locked up for this step construction.

Instead of building the step separately and attaching it to the porch boards....heh nooOOoo....They over-engineered (whaaaat??  I know, right?) and built it onto the deck going up.

Screwy explanation, sorry.  What I mean is they attached things in such a way that it was impossible to disassemble it like a normal person would; screws and nails were put in that were wholly inaccessible at steps in the process where they should have been accessible.

So, if a normal human puts something together, it's step one, two, three, a logical order to things resulting in a three, two, one logical easy disassembly.  But no, they did seven, three, ten, one, four, seven...whatever willy nilly insanity.

After removing as many screws as I could (read:  hardly any) it became a matter of sheer will, determination, and releasing harboring aggressions with my good pals Hammer, Crow Bar, and Jig Saw.  It was obscene.  Likely not the most safe but whatev's man, desperate times, desperate measures.

Ree.dic.u.lous.ness.  Some kind of construction sorcery I have never witnessed before....I mean, I can't even.

What else was non-sensical?  I did not injure myself in that process.  Or at any point!  Whaaaaa???  Crazy, right?!  Gold star for me!

To catch my breath after the step removal fiasco, I dragged all the beat up lumber out to the alley.  Huff puff, not much of a rest.  Less than eight hours later, the wood had vanished.  If you ever need something to disappear and disappear fast, put it in a Chicago alley.

There was an ocean of brick crumbles and dust and junk under there so I gave that a good clean off, hauling two heavy heavy garbage bags down the gangway.  Must've gotten there when they re-bricked the facade, I'm not sure.

What a mess on top of the old concrete landing.

A surprise?  The 2-by's perpendicular to the house under the decking were all footloose and fancy free, floating within the metal frame of the porch.  They were a lil' beat up but still in decent enough shape; as such, felt no need to replace them.

I mean, I guess it would've sucked removing the old concrete steps and landing but, to build around it with a steel structure?  Weird.

Ok!  Time to pile on the new stuff!

Thankfully my spiffy miter saw is lightweight so I was able to easily schlepp it upstairs and set up shop out front.  Pressure treated lumber should always be cut outdoors.

Go miter saw!  Go miter saw!*  What's odd too?  Our packages get stolen out front in mere seconds but yet, no, not this full, unopened bottle of Irish coffee liquor we brought out for the block party and didn't bring back in.  Weeks.  Sat out for weeks.  Had to bring it back in.  Yeah, looks like my saw is getting liquored up, heh.

And then all righty, it was go time.  Measure, cut, space, screw down, measure, cut, space, screw down.  Not hard!

I left about 3/16" or 1/4" or so between the boards as best I could.  Several of the boards weren't as straight as they could have been.  If only they had studied more in school.  What?  Yeah, I dunno, moving on.

Pete the Sweeper stumbled on over, asking me what I was up to, incredulously chuckling all the while.

Yes, it really seems I can't go out front without Pete spying me from inside his house and coming across the street to talk to me, usually about nothing or the same three stories again and again.  While that may sound unneighborly of me, it gets aggravating because it happens every time I set foot out there.

"Hey, whaddya doin'?  Where's Mike?  Why is he not doing this?  What, you do this, what??," then offered me the use of his table saw.  Ok thanks Pete, I'm on a roll here, thanks for stopping by.

Then the neighbor to the east, his wife popped outdoors.  After our usual repartee she asked, "what are you doing?"  "No, I mean, why are you doing that?"  "Why are you doing the carpentry?  Doesn't Mike do that?"  Laugh, laugh, "oh, oookkaaayyy!"  (She's really nice, don't get me wrong.)

It is irksome.  I'm not sure I understand why folks find it a difficult to concept to grasp that women can do things.  That women can and do use tools.  That women are capable.

In fact, no, I don't understand at all.

Shaking my damn head....

...........           ......sigh

Mmmphff, errrrrrrrr!, back to the task at hand.

Mmmk!  The easy part was down, henceforth came the time to trim the last board around vertical posts.  Yikes.  Math.

Measure twice, cut a wee bit once, measure thirty more times and nip some more out.  And so I did yet somehow my measuring was inaccurate, eyeroll, the cuts off to the left a hair too far or into the board too deep.

Measure twice, cut once people!

Hm.  Rats.  Ah!, that's what planters are for......ahem.  Skoochie skooch, planters over cut outs....It's really not too bad though heh, I seem to have uh not photographed those areas for you.  Oops.

Hey look, new deck boards!  Suh-wheet!

Ok, so all that was left was building the step which, easy peasy pumpkin pie, I made from leftover trimmed deck board pieces for the sides, the 1x6 to dress the length of the front, cutting a full deck board exactly in half for the tread.

A lil' step assembly here...Be sure to pilot drill those holes to avoid splitting.

How did I attach it to the deck?  Simply!  Stupidly simply with just a couple of screws toed through the deck board sides into the deck.  Know why?  So it will come off easily!!!  No way!!  Omg, rocket science, not!

And then, in just a couple short hours, everything was done.  Yay!

Brand spanking new swanky step that's easy to remove!

I stepped back, took a deep breath enjoying the beautiful weather, and admired my completed handiwork.  My harshest critic then needed to come sniff, dance on, and otherwise approve its paw-safeness.

Sure it's not perfect, neither am I.  But it is curb appeal house maintenance done not too shabbily by a chick and it looks more presentable than not.  Go woman power.

Hey hey hey!  Lookin' sharp!  Woo hoo!

Later that evening....

"Babe!  Babe!  Babe, you gotta see!  Look!  Look!  I replaced the front porch boards!"

"Whoa babe, that looks fantastic," exclaimed my sweet husband.  "You did a great job!  I'm really proud of you!"

Aw, blush.  Heh!

Next summer I'll stain the boards as Mike asked if I would do so.  And next year I'll be far more judicious about the color I choose.  Ha, maybe I'll look for a weather worn gray!

*The deck screws and Hitachi miter saws are Amazon affiliate links.  Mwah, thanks!  Please see the "boring stuff" tab for more info.